Family Systems

Family is the oldest institution on earth. Before there was a government and church, there was a family. The book of Genesis tells us “So God created man in his own image, in God’s image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them. God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth” Genesis 1:27-28.

Marriage

God’s plan for marriage is presented in Genesis (Genesis 2:24). God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church by assuming leadership and responsibility. Wives were created to be helpers to their own respective husbands (Genesis 2:18), supplementing and not supplanting, complementing and not commanding. Husbands and wives who enter parenthood are admonished to take seriously their responsibilities to teach God’s Word to their children at every opportunity (Deuteronomy 6;4-9, 20;25, Joshua 4:6-7).

Siblings

The world is made up of the interweaving and intersecting between individuals and groups, which we call human relationships. Society exists as a result of these relationships. They provide companionship and communication, and through them we give and receive love and understanding. Through relationships we develop, grow and learn, and from them we obtain self esteem, identity, and significance. All of scripture involves relationships, both with God and with our fellow human beings.

Some of the most challenging relationships are those within the family circle, especially amongst siblings. The Lord’s plan from the beginning has been for the family to be the foremost arena in which each and every one of us develops identity, self-esteem, self-worth, and a relationship with God. Our siblings plan an important role in helping determine not only who we are but also who we become.

Siblings provide one another with a unique opportunity to give and receive love as well as to develop tolerance, an appreciation for others, communication skills, an ability o forgive others, and an understanding of genuine companionship.

Scripture offers these principles about sibling relationships:

1.   We must allow a sibling freedom to develop his or her own traits and abilities and  to pursue the unique call of God in life. Mary and Martha were very different in personality; yet each had a unique relationship with the Lord (luke 10:38-42, John 11:20)

2.     We are not to criticize our siblings in public, but we are to resolve our differences in the privacy of the family circle. Miriam paid a high price for publicly criticizing her brother’s choice of a wife (Numbers 12:1-15)

3.     We are to rejoice without jealousy or ill will when good things happen to our siblings (Luke 15:11-32).

4.     We are to do our best always to introduce our brothers and sisters to the Lord and build up their faith, just as Andrew introduced Simon Peter to Jesus (John 1:40-42) 

Because the way siblings relate to one another is largely based on the way they perceive their parents’ regard for them, a special burden rests on parents to treat all their children with equal love and value, just as our heavenly Father does. Yet, at the same time each child must be nurtured according to his or her unique capabilities and attributes.

The Dysfunctional Family

In a fallen world, there is no such thing as a perfect family. Children have many needs: physical needs (food, shelter, clothing); emotional needs (love, acceptance, affirmation); intellectual needs (the opportunity to learn daily living skills and develop intellectually); and spiritual needs (guidance in how to know God personally and to mature in that relationship). However, a dysfunctional family is one which is consistently inadequate in meeting some or all of these needs. Notable dysfunctional families in the Bible include those of Isaac (Genesis 25:19—28:9), Jacob (Genesis 29:14—35:26; 37:1—38:30), Eli (1 Samuel.2:12-36; 3:11-14), and David (2 Samuel 11:1—19:8).

Dysfunctional families have common patterns: they do not talk, keeping the family secrets; they do not see, ignoring inappropriate behaviours as well as altered perceptions of reality; they do not feel, disregarding legitimate emotions; they do not trust, living in isolation and fearing more broken promises; the children strive desperately to be perfect.

Love!

Genesis 5:22 says “but the fruit of the Spirit is love joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control”. Love is the first fruit is mentioned. Why is it mentioned first? Because God is love and love is the greatest commandment. Jesus said in Matthew 22:37-39 “You shall love the LORD your God wit all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’. If we say we love God we must demonstrate that love by loving others. After all how can we say we love God who we can’t see if we don’t love our brother and sisters who we can see? (1 John 4:20) 

The agent of transformation and change in a person’s life is the Holy Spirit. It’s important I acknowledge the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is activated when the word of God is spoken. Walk with God, Be in love with God, read God’s word so that your life is repaired daily.  We need to build a strong and healthy relationship with God otherwise our relationships with others won’t be fruitful. Our knowledge of God depends on relationship with Him. If you want to know God more, empty yourself. God wants to fill our heart with the things of Him.The strongest woman or man is a person that surrenders their will to God.